Worship

I used to talk all about my faith, and Jesus, and His goodness.  Then I felt phony, some people called me out, and I stopped.....but I'm feeling authentic again (which does not read as "I'm feeling really behaviorally modified and good). Authentic just means trying to be true to the pilgrimage He has me on. (And that doesn't mean I'm not into the gospel)
Faith can get complicated - but its so simple.
I think I just fear people judging me.
Blar.

Okay - now that we've got that out of the way.

Jesus.
Agh. He is the best.
Seriously - sometimes I forget that but then you have moments where you just know His nearness, goodness, and love. Some people seem to have them like every other second.  Me? They're sort of sporatic - like a heart machine on Grey's Anatomy - totally quick and moving and then sometimes well.....they're few and far between.

Oh. but pals.
This pas weekend - I watched God do what he loves to do - bless, redeem, and bring joy.

Sometimes in photography - I take a picture and I'm about to die until I can look at it a thousand more times - and giggle and squeal and agh. just love the crap out of it.

These two photos were that - we worshipped Jesus at this wedding. Hallelujah.

The bride and groom in these photos are amazing and when I share more photos I may tell you more about them - but for now - just see them as people on the Way - the journey - the pilgrimage.

During the hymns I took no less than 200 photos (most of which will not make it out) but b/c I was living into the beauty of God through these people.  I was wiping tears as I tried to look through the viewfinder on my camera - and then I just held the button down and went to town b/c the tears clearly were not going to stop - and you know sometimes you just don't want or need the tears to stop.

So. See below. I have a gajillion more.

But for now pals. These are what I'm seeing the man who is Love in.

Divine.

read this, wanted to share. maybe you'll want to read it. 

The history of Christianity is sometimes wonderful, and at other times appalling. The graced side shows that for those who truly accept that Jesus is risen, everything is changed and made new. Hope replaces cynicism and despair. The sadness of existence begins to throb with divine mystery. Divine love displaces hate and violence, and authentic relationships bind our fractured world together. Meaning displaces futility, and weak persons accomplish what seems humanly impossible. Life takes on vivid colours, and everything becomes important, especially persons. Why are we important? Because the Good News is that all of us are children of the resurrection, and must treat each other as such.

www.sacredspace.ie

Amistad

Sometimes I find myself in situations that I can't really explain.  I'm sure you do as well - because we all have these wild adventures should we choose to see them. 

My friend Anne has a knack for getting me into these type of situations.  She'll invite me to come along and help out with something and the next thing I know I'm rubbing my eyes wondering, "How did I get here?"   Truthfully - Anne could ask me to come watch paint dry with her her and I would.  Moreover, she could say, "Hey Mary, we're going to empty out the septic tank next weekend I was wondering if you might want to come participate and see what God would have?" 

Now, I know what God has in store in a septic tank, as do you - but I would go regardless - to spend time with my pal and to see what God has in store (because just when I think I know what's in a septic tank - God would be the wild man and show up in a miracle - turning it into fishes and loaves or something wild like that).  (We'd also rave about my Godson - her grandson - because he is the best, but that's for another day) 

That said, and that's a lot to say - when Anne asked if I would come help with a retreat focusing on the work of the Amistad Mission in Bolivia - I replied, "Sure."  

Little did I know I would fall in love with Jesus all over again as I saw him in the people that came from all over because they love Jesus, and orphans, or sometimes they just love Jesus and people who love orphans.  

The highlight for me was a teaching from Father William on seeing Jesus in others.  I'm not nearly as wise or deep as him - so I'm going to use judgement - and just suggest you take my word, it was beautiful.  I breathed in deeply the aroma of Christ from these Pilgrims and hopefully I took another step towards Him - to trust him - and surrender - to hope for more depth - the depth I saw in these people as we sat around the table or the meditation room. 

Like I said, - I can't really explain how I got here. 

Check out Amistad - and see what God would have.  I know, I'm just some angsty blogger without nearly the influence of my pal Anne, but seriously - just click and check it out.  The stories woke something up in me - something I'm trying to decipher....but I guess that is what we do - we explore and open up and see what God would have. 

**More to come on The Jesus Prayer, Father William, Texas? and of course, my Godson.

 ...for there is no other name given among men by which we must be saved. (Acts 4:12)

Strength for the Journey

I know a woman. 

Who knows a Man. 

Who helps her host retreats. 

And they are magical. (Magical in the Jesus sort of way - not The Craft - remember that movie? - sort of way)

We talk about God - life - Jesus - sing to a synthesizer - eat "oatmeal sundays" and then we all head out to walk around this farm in silence. 

It's fantastic - and helps slow this gal down. 

I've got a lot of figuring to do coming up - and walks in silence are necessary - and I need more of them.

This one was really great because my sister came - and it was wonderful to share with her.  

These are photos I took while on a walk. A Contemplative Walk. If that is even possible for a gal like me - it is - He makes it that way. 

If you look closely - the bottom of the tree stump literally has a heart.  a HEART. A Wet Engine. I think Jesus spoke through that - and the creek that looked like it went dry - only to emerge further down in the woods - that gave me hope - call me cheesy - but it made me think even when my bones are dry - there is hope....

And the red in the middle of the bleak mid winter - oh you know what's up with that. 

And because my girls Theresa and Julie are often talked about here at the Belfry -I must leave you with some of their words: 

“God loved us before he made us; and his love has never diminished and never shall.” 

Julian of Norwich

“May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.” 

 St. Thérèse de Lisieux

that is a heart. I know it.

Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.
Body of Christ, save me.
Blood of Christ, inebriate me.
Water from the side of Christ, wash me.
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
O Good Jesus, hear me.
Within your wounds hide me.
Permit me not to be separated from you.
From the wicked foe, defend me.
At the hour of my death, call me
and bid me come to you
That with your saints I may praise you
For ever and ever. Amen.

From Finding God in All Things: A Marquette Prayer Book © 2009 Marquette University Press. Used with permission.

Beautiful Things #5: Anam Cara.

A friend recommended I surround myself with beautiful things last year when life was well....not so beautiful. They went on to recommend the book Anam Cara, by John O'Donahue.
I
Fell
In
Love
Not with John - I think he was celibate.
But I fell in love with what he had to say.

Anam Cara means, Soul Friend, - and he basically talks, meditates and muses on facets of the heart, community, friendship, love (both the eros and the agape) in the most beautiful of words.

It made me long for and be grateful for people all at the same time.

Do you have an Anam Cara? People that can speak to the deepest places in you and you feel at home in their presence?  I think that is how He created and designed our relationships to be - its just so often we find ourselves unable to be that or recieve that.

Am I making sense?

So, as I was going through Christmas pictures tonight, I saw these of my mother and Godmother and realized what they were communicating in these is a soul friendship.  (I adore both of these women like. whoa.)
I've included quotes from Anam Cara with the photographs.

Human presence is a creative and turbulent sacrament, a visible sign of invisible grace. Nowhere is there such intimate and frightening access to the mysterious. Friendship is the sweet grace that liberates us to approach, recognize, and inhabit this adventure.

a friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you.

The one you love, your anam cara, your soul friend, is the truest mirror to reflect your soul.

“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”

“One of the tasks of true friendship is to listen compassionately and creatively to the hidden silences. Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people.”

And this is just barb. out of focus. but being hilarious.

Resolved.

I love the contemplatives. 

This site is great - and I wanted to share this: 

New resolutions seemed full of promise last week. But some have already got lost in the ordinariness which takes over as the year gets under way. Prayer can be somewhat the same. It is sometimes energising, sometimes even exciting, but often mundane, even boring. This should not upset us. The tones and colours of prayer are affected by life’s ups and downs, and by the ordinary moods of everyday.
The Divine we meet in prayer knows all that. We are not persons of great prayer, but Jesus knows us through and through, and remains our friend for all time. Prayer is simple. It is about befriending the Mystery of God and ourselves. We allow God to befriend us in all that is our life. Prayer is as simple as that - just being with the divine as I am, here and now, and believing that the Divine is with me. Ignatius of Loyola invites us to start our prayer like that. He says ‘I will consider how God looks at me’. Teresa of Avila says: ‘Gaze at God gazing at you, lovingly and humbly’. One of the French mystics wrote: ‘You gazed on me and you smiled!’
Connectedness is the key. Because I believe that I am loved, I can allow the Divine to look at me. Prayer then transforms the ordinary and the mundane. It makes the Now a moment of grace and joy.